Chapter 4 "Slang"


Well growing up in an English household, this is something that I really didn't think would surprise me too much, and it really hasn't except for a few things. Now there are some real obvious slang terms that most people know outside of England. A "Shag" is to have sex, made most famous now from Austin Powers, a "mate" is a buddy or a friend, "crisps" are chips and "chips" are fries, and a "Fag" is still something that goes in your mouth, but most of us know it as a cigarette. Here are a few things that caught me by surprise however.

One day, while looking for an "oyster card" (bus pass) I was told to just head to the news agents and buy one. Well after a couple minutes searching I had to ask a nice old lady, " 'scuse me, where is the news agents?" only to hear "but love, your standing right in front of one." I turn around only to find out its a "convenient store." Not too major I guess, but there's something about a 65 year old lady having a laugh at your expense that really tests your pride.
As for the rest of the slang, various times have people had no clue what I'm talking about, let alone me NEVER understanding them. I have no clue how I'll survive in Wales, but here's a list I've compiled to try to help you out. It's as goes:
"Barmy or Nutters" means your crazy - gotten that one a lot
"Fanny" is actually a pussy - not the household animal
"Braces" are suspenders - Funny when I told someone I had them on for years, she wondered why I suddenly switched to a belt. The look of our confusion was to die for. I simply followed it up with a big swig of my pint.
"Loo" is washroom - Everyone always asks "going for a wash are ya Mr. Canada?"
"Take the piss" - means getting on someones case
"the dog's bollocks" means the best - not the size of your animals testicles. Yet bollocks means testicles, but combined with a dog, makes it the best. Makes me think how the first person came up with that one. I've heard the jokes about sheep, but dog's?? Ah well, peanut butter all around I guess.
"Legless" means completely drunk - not the character in Lord of the Rings as I thought everyone was talking about after I recited a few lines from the film. Apparently the impression sucked, but I was wasted, so I can't remember anyways.
"quid" is the same denomination as Pound. So don't make the offer of two pounds for a quid thinking your ripping the guy off.
Finally, "pants" are underwear, "to let" is to rent, not toilet spelt wrong and my favorite "beer mat" is coaster. I like that one especially because it makes the beer seem more special as it's consumed.
Now all of these are just words, but heaven help you if someone starts talking to you in "rhyming slang." Basically what this is, is the United Kingdoms greatest inside joke. It takes whatever you would like to do, such as a "boozer" then rhymes it with something completely different like "battle cruiser." Having "Britney Spears" means your inviting me out for "a few beers" not asking me about a pop star. This rhyming slang I have not had too much involvement with, well that of which I understand, but it is apparently very strong in the Welsh culture. "Ga I peint O cwrw" (phonetically spelt Gah-EE Pint oh coo-roo) means can I have a pint of beer. . . . Ya right. I'll fight ya for your caravan too while we're at it mate. Also in the Scottish language, its common to hear such phrases as "Oi. Look at yer braw ugly eejit 'avin a tipple with that bonnie lass" I'm sure for those who know me could just imagine the look on my face after I heard that after a couple beers. I had no clue. It could have been arabic for all know, but it means "hey, look at that big ugly idiot having a drink with that beautiful girl" None the less, we felt a strong Canadian and Scottish accent could improve our chances over a braw ugly eejit.

It's taken me a while, but I think I'm slowly catching on. However, I really like to think of these things literally. On that note, I'm about to take Britney spears over the boot of my mates car, head on down to battle cruiser, and find some bonnie lass to Austin Powers with her.


Cheers


Marsha B

Chapter 3 "Pubs"

Well one thing you always hear about before you come to England from those who have been is "Mate, you've got to try the pubs!" So I have been, for about 21 days actually. . . . Straight ;)
My first impression was good. I still find them a lot like the pubs in Canada with a few differences, but generally the same except for the odd pub that has personality to it. A lot of "British" pubs I've been too in Canada, have a lot of so called British things in them. All that basically means is the Unions flying somewhere and they sell European beers, none of which are British. Well here's a list of things I feel are different and truly give a British pub its uniqueness.

1) The Atmosphere. Call it the smoke (which is being banned soon anyways - Great idea), the smell or maybe just the crazy accents of people speaking way too fast for me to understand. The pubs here seem to be geared more towards a "talking" atmosphere as opposed to a "dancing" one. However come the end of the night, people move the tables and are doing it anyways. Also the interior decore. Wood beams holding the place together, real wood fire places keeping it warm, and antiques your grandmother would have considered too old to enjoy, it makes you think how many people have shared a pint like I have today here.
2) The History. Not something I didn't like in Canada, just something unfortunately you couldn't get given the age of the country. I have literally been in pubs more then 100 years older then Canada itself! Just today I was in a pub in Westerham, Kent. In 1727, a man who later became known as General James Wolfe, used to come here for pints, as it was his favorite local pub in his hometown. General Wolfe later went on to battle in many wars including where he died - Quebec, Canada.
3) The Food. Lovely. Some food I've had, I haven't even known what it is before ordering, like "Italian sausage on a bun" which actually should have been spelt "gross hotdogs in butter and H.P soaked UN-toasted bread." But a personal recommendation, you HAVE to order bangers and mash with tomato and baked beans, or fish and chips.
4) The People. Now you may think, this isn't really a trait that is character to England, but let me explain. When you see a guy, with a poachers bag with rabbits ears hanging out of it, a long grey handlebar moustache soaked in dark ale, looking like his ball loaded musket is right next to his horse outside, leave the pub in a disclaim of "pip pip cheerio, meet again next week after the fox hunt shall we?" You just don't get that anywhere else.
5) The fact that you can buy crisps in any bar for about 30-60p. I love it, perfect bar snack. Just don't get the cheese and onion if your sitting next to a lovely lady. You just won't be sitting next to her very long after that.

My last word of advice would be to never ask for an Italian sausage on a bun, no matter where you are, cause you never know what you'll get, and it could be soggy and soaked in sauce.

Cheers !

MB

Chapter 2 "Lawns V. Gardens"

This observation really has to deal with a much larger issue of "space" but it's something that is affected by it. In Canada, almost everyone who has at least a semi detatched home, has a lawn. That concept in England is pretty much unheard of. I'm not saying that no one has a lawn, but really, unless you live in a giant house, you don't. Most people have converted their front lawns into gardens because it would only be about 2 mins to mow the lawn, no more then a 10X10 area. Others have gone a less appealing route but possibly more effective by simply concreting their entire front lawn into a driveway. The gardens however small they may be, are absolutely stunning. A various array of daffodils, perennials, chrysanthemums, scabiosas, nasturtiums, cosmos and last but not least, candytufts. My fave is daffodils.
Either one (lawn or garden) is very personal to the country it represents. Without the rain and warmer climate of England, I don't think most of these flowers would survive. I mean the climate in Canada is so various, I think it only stays warm for about two months, the other 10, everyone is wondering if it's getting warmer or colder.
Lawns on the other hand, are amazing things when the fall comes and you must rake the leaves. Just pile them up and then have kids jump in them, only to rake them again. It makes me laugh thinking of if England had all lawns, some man mowing his lawn for 2 mins at a time or some kid jumping in a pile of 15 leaves only to twist his ankle. But on the other hand, a 2 acre garden would be quite the spectacle. I remember as a child I used to make money mowing lawns for people around my block. Maybe kids around here make money planting flowers and laying soil.

As I noted earlier, this has to do with a much larger issue, space. If anyone were to look at a map, you can clearly see that the entire U.K could fit inside Canada a few times over. Yet the populations of these two countries don't reflect that. Up until last year, the population of all of Canada was 32,378,122 with Ontario holding roughly one third of the entire population. On the other hand, the population of the United Kingdom was 59, 834, 300 with England having 4/5ths of that. That's almost double the population in well less then half the space. With population increases and land becoming increasingly more expensive, I dread to think of that number now. Where all these people are fitting, is beyond me. Maybe people are just getting smaller.

- Marsha B

Chapter 1 "Look Right"

Within minutes of landing in England from Canada, the first culture shock hit me. One of which you hear so much about, but never really know what to expect until I think you experience it. Of course the rest of the world has always wondered, why the heck do you drive on the left side? Well, this little detail affects many things. The way the cars are made, names for parts of roadways, roadsigns, the list goes on.
First thing I noticed was the license plates. In Canada (also the United States from what I've seen on other travels) we have very customized license plates. Each province (or state) has little quotes telling you something about itself. Ontario's is "your's to discover." Something I personally found out this past summer that there is so much to see, just make your way out of southwestern Ontario, and you will really see what they mean by it. These license plates can be so customized that I remember trips when I was younger playing games to see how many out-of-town license plates each member in the car could spot before our destination. Although this game always took a backseat to my fathers more favoured game, Roadkill Bingo. But that's another story . . .
So when I left the airport and said "wow, all their license plates are just numbers and letters. You can't tell where there from," a kind Manchester gentleman (I could tell because he sounded a lot like Noel Gallagher, which is mainly inaudible) told me "Aye come on son, ya don't need too." That's ok I guess, they're missing out on a great game.
Next as I approached our taxi, which is very different in itself compared to the yellow beasts that populate major metropolitan areas like Toronto, I tried to sit myself on the right (what I thought was passenger) side. Peter our driver pointed out, "Come on son, you can't drive just yet." Now apart from wondering why every Englishman thought I was his "son," I also wondered, "what the heck did I just get myself into?"
They build their cars to accomodate their roads. Drivers side is on the right side so they can see the outside of the road better (which is really the inside). Stick shift on the left hand? Hmm, seems tough but if that's all you know then it would work.
This is all leading to the biggest thing I think people need to be wary of. The fact that you need to look right first with traffic. Now it may seem like an easy concept to just look both ways. But of course, like most things human, most of us have become lazy and allowed technology to do the thinking for us, so we instinctively look left (if at all really) and then start walking. Well Thank God for the road painters in England. Knowing that the rest of the world will not catch on, have painted "look right" at every major intersection. Now I wonder how this must have gotten started. I can just imagine two cops standing over a body saying to each other "Damn it Nigel, here's another tourist. Forgot to look right again." "I know Simon, what the bloody hell we gonna do with these folk?" And so began the painting of the roads. Unfortunately for me, they didn't have it at the first intersection I used. Luckily though, another one of my dad's was driving near and warned me with a honk and chatter "watch out son, keep your eyes open when ya walk!"
So after the first day's lesson I know now A) people in England have never played the license plate game and B) Your always somebodies son around here.
Now don't even get me started on these things called "round-a-bouts."

Cheers

A.M

Prologue

Recently (as in last week) I moved from Toronto, Ontario Canada to a small town just about 15 mins south of London, England called Beckenham in Kent. This is the first trip of many that I decided I wanted to take when asked way back when "what do you want to do in life?" As opposed to just naming a career and working for "the man," I wrote down a list of things to do before it all ends. Just certain life goals I wanted to meet. In the upcoming episodes, you may read about the details of the first thing on this list, attending a World Cup of Football.
During the move I gave away most things to charity (Breast cancer and the homeless situation in Toronto) and the rest I've stored (some material items and photos). I consider this a little challenge to myself of what I really "need." while I figure out what I really want. I left with a backpack and two guitars (bass and 6-string. Yes, i need these, haha) Over the next coming months I will be writing in this site of things I find interesting, personal points of interest and just in general things that I notice are "unique" to a certain area, place or culture. Not neccessarily touristy things, but more local things. Come with me on my journey and hopefully it will expand your mind as to what is out there that is offered to you if you simply go out there and get it. I will end with this . . . the only failure in life, is not attempting succes.

Cheers

A.M