Chapter 7 "Amsterdam"

Well, well, well . . . where to begin. Amsterdam is certainly a city that exceeds its expectations. You can see the numerous canals on a bike during a hot summer day, endulge yourself in some "brownies" and even take a wicked boat tour. For all those beer drinkers out there, take a 10 euro trip to the original Heineken brewery which is now turned into a museum. Duff man would certainly be proud. Not to mention, its all tourists that go, so you meet lots of people and they give you free beer.
On the other hand, there seems to be a hidden city slogan you´ll only know when you go . . . ."fucked in Amsterdam." The hidden motto of most tourists there, they go for the insane party. The red light district is conveniently marked off by, yep you guessed it, RED LIGHTS! Here you can find pizza, mushrooms, marijuana, shoes (got a pair myself, 10 euro!) and a girl who for 50 euro will let you inside her anyway you want, plus you´ll get a shower at the end of it too. It´s definately, from what I´ve seen, the sin city capital of the world. Though I´d love to hear stories of other ones. As for details on the red light district, wait till you hear the one about two Canadians, a Kiwi and an American . . .

First off, cafes. These aren´t places you get a coffee and bagel. Nope. Here´s where you´ll get your grass. Most cafes sell pre-rolled joints or by the gram. Don´t buy the pre-roll though cause it´s almost all tobacco and they´ll definately smell the tourist on ya. The blues brother cafe on Neuwendyk is by far the best and cheapest around the red light district. A gram will cost ya anywhere between 4 euro and 15.

Secondly, biking. EVERYONE bikes in Amsterdam. There are more bikes then there are cars. They have even a sort of parking garage but just for bikes. I love how the culture and downtown is built from such an affordable and environmentally friendly machine. These aren´t flashy full suspension monsters. Mostly they are 1 gear wizard-of-oz type bikes. Killer rides though. Definately a must if you want to see a lot of the city or if you don´t have much time to get around. You can rent them for very cheap almost anywhere. Plus if your tired, just stop in to a cafe for a coffee and bagel.

Lastly the people. Very friendly and almost anyone speaks English. Such a good welcoming atmosphere, even with the people in the red light district asking you every five minutes if you want to buy some coke or "charlie." At least they don´t bug you when you say no. I wonder if its so welcoming because everyone is stoned. I watched a Nederlands V. Cote DÍvoire world cup football match there, and they had no problem letting me in on the party amoungst the cheers of "Hup Holland, Hup Holland!"

Overall, Amsterdam is an amazing city. Whether its to warm up to a beautiful, historical culture or to get your mind completely messed, you can achieve either, probably in the same day.

Intermezzo

Welcome to our first intermission. This is where we sell you more things in an attempt to make you happier with materials you don't need during a more boring then piss play. Little bobbleheads of the main actors, pins you'll never wear, and of course, toys for the kids that will break by the end of the week. Don't bother trying to leave, we have placed security at all the exits to ensure you see the ending. Oh of course this is where you pee, because we won't let you get up in the middle of the play, but we will bring you more drinks so your bladder is so full it has started to sting.
Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves the complete uselessness of going to one of these things apart from distinguishing yourselves from the homeless people wanting 5 cents outside. Let the kids run around outside, then scold them for misbehaving because after all, they were just being kids. Can't have that now can we? I'm sure the kids are loving sitting down for hours at a time and not moving a muscle with all that energy.
If you hadn't noticed the sign, feel free to bring 2 week old babies who will never remember this anyways and allow them to cry all night disturbing everyone else because you just could not live without seeing a wonderful play. I mean thats what all people like us do. We go to plays, and we have a "normal" family. A nice white picket fence, with a dog who doesn't bark (or speak, depends how you see it).
At the end of it, we will return your car to you. Thank you for completely trusting a person you don't know with it. I'm sure they had a blast driving around in it while you were enjoying the play. We hope you come back soon, where we can repeat this process again, for without the process, we couldn't drive around in our nice cars and park them inside our white picket fence because you pay for all of it.

Thanks

:)

P.S No bums or babies were hurt in the writing of this intermezzo, maybe just some ego's. In the end, were all the same, even if the means don't justify it. Careful who you step on on the way to the top, because they are the ones who will help you on your fall down.